If you are going to buy a motorcycle...

[Gatekeeper]

NEW RULES

IF YOU'RE A MAN OVER 45 AND WANT TO BUY YOUR FIRST MOTORCYCLE... YOU CAN'T - Because you will be buying it for all the wrong reasons. Mid-life crisis. Stuck in middle management. Hair gone. E.D. Besides, why spend $20,000 on something you're just going to clean and stare at and maybe ride to the bar weather permitting. Eventually your new fad will fade quicker than that box of premium cigars you pretend to like. So do everyone a favor and accept your life, without motorcycling. Golf.

GIVE ORANGE COUNTY CHOPPERS A TASTE OF YOUR SIZE 12s - The TV show, the t-shirts, the dopey theme bikes. It's time to wake up and smell the 20W-50. What originally began as a compelling vision of a small shop's pretensions quickly degenerated to overt commercial pandering once the characters got popular. Rehearsed storylines became as predictable as the banner logos gracing the backdrop of every scene. And while a fake reality series is nothing new, it's hard to turn away from the misguided thousands sporting OCC merchandise like it's the second coming of Davy Crockett's cap. A hopeful epitaph: recently spotted Orange County Choppers gear on sale at J.C.Pennys, marked down 60%.

SOMETIMES THE LONE WOLF IS JUST ANOTHER SHEEP IN THE FLOCK - Especially if you only ride in groups of ultra-conformist bikes costumed in cheap look-alike Chinese-made leathers while wearing a "BITCH FELL OFF" t-shirt, fingerless gloves and beanie helmet. For a group of "rugged individualists" you're goofier than a bunch of shriners.

BIKERS ARE NOT AN OPPRESSED MINORITY - The "us" versus "them" attitude is long out of date. Your hair (shaggy or shaved), tattoos, black leather and chain wallets haven't scared anyone for a long time. The eye rolling you attract from folks and real motorcyclists have more to do with your pathetic herd mentality than the need to discriminate. Part of which is your inane desire to feel the world doesn't understand you. Truth is there isn't much to understand. The biker t-shirts say, "If you have to ask you wouldn't understand." Well guess what Sherlock. Nobody's asking. And whether you're a biker who's black, Jewish, homosexual and/or a Republican there's no reason to think society's out to get you. So give up the glamour of being a second class citizen and accept the fact that you and your lives are merely average or at best slightly below.

IF YOU RIDE WITHOUT A HELMET PRE-PAY YOUR BURIALS COSTS - Rather than debate helmet laws, hospital and insurance rates let's cut to the tombstone. It costs money to put these jokers in the ground. So rather than burden families and society with the inevitable "let those who ride decide" if it's going to be granite or bronze. And have them open their checkbooks before they open their brains out on the highway.

LOUD PIPES JUST ANNOY PEOPLE - All that noise directed rearward doesn't do dick in the most common dangerous conflict where a car turns in front of you. Research shows that bikes with modified exhaust systems crash more frequently than those with stock pipes. If you really want to save lives, turn to a brighter jacket and helmet color with reflectives which have been proven to do the job. Or install a louder horn. Otherwise, you and your ground pounders can just shut up.

IF YOU DON'T RIDE IN THE RAIN YOU DON'T REALLY RIDE - No one is suggesting heading straight toward the thunderstorm. But if you're exclusively a fair weather rider it's just too impractical to have you on the road. Your inexperience and apprehension are to put it mildly, dangerous. And while mother nature is unpredictable, experience, skill and proper gear are what gets you through. Limiting your riding to only the perfect day is just a step away from hardly riding and eventually not riding at all. Which for some might not be a bad idea.

STOP WITH THE WAVING ALREADY - As sure as the first day of Spring when everybody who's nobody has their bike out... it starts. You know, the Wave. People with whom we only share the same transportation choice feel the need to mutually acknowledge each other like they're at a Star Trek convention. It used to be the only reason for an errant hand gesture was the warning of a dead skunk or worse. Like the last scene in Easy Rider when Dennis Hopper gets blown away for flipping off the redneck in the pick-up. A Wave gone wrong. But now the Wavers come from all walks. The weekend warrior who daylights as your dentist. The older couple celebrating they still have the magic. All cruising toward us with dire need for validation. Okay, we admit it. We see you. We're happy for you. Just keep your hands on the bars and look where you're going. And if you feel the urge to wave at someone save it for the next redneck in a pick-up. And lets hope for the best.

YOU DON'T NEED GPS ON A 60 MILE ROUNDTRIP - Tom Hanks got back to earth from the friggin moon (Apollo 13) with only a pencil and a slide-rule. While it's great to able to coordinate your position on the planet in relation to Pluto it's nice to know maps are still available at most gas stops. Or how about the pure adventure of traveling without a destination? Besides, if all Tom Hanks had was a GPS he'd still be on that friggin island (Castaway).

STOP TRYING TO RESURRECT DEAD MARQUEES - Paying over $18 million for the rights to a motorcycle logo from fifty years ago doesn't guarantee that brand will fly off the dealer's floorplan. It might be good business to ride the wave of aging boomer bikers before they trade-in their two wheels for wheelchairs. But if the only reason to buy the bike is the retro logo on the gas tank it won't be long before people wise up. And with Excelsior-Henderson, Indian and others having filed Chapter 11, those late great motorcycles are again relegated to people's fond memories where they should have stayed all along.

LET'S HAVE MORE REAL WORLD M-CLASS LICENSING
The current M-class licensing fails to take into consideration many riders' limitations and rights to personal choice. Some new classifications might include:
M-NR - cannot ride in the rain
M-60 - cannot ride during ambient temperatures below 60fh degrees.
M-TRL - can only ride within 5 miles from nearest trailer
M-BAR - can only ride to and from a cold beer
M-DONOR - cannot wear a helmet except certified novelty beanie
M-CLEAN - can only clean motorcycle, no riding permitted
M-MMM GOOD - can only ride to and from a bowl of soup
_________________

[SCraig]

OK, those are good but some of them hit too close to home

[v4pwr]

wow, someone woke up on the wrong side today.

[FrankoQ]

I'll add my own...
M-M-CLEAN cannot ride if the bike is not clean.

[Richard Thompson]

nice one gate keeper,and so eloquently put!

have you considered a career in journalism???

now go hug a tree..

[derstuka]

Hey, I believe in waving at other motorcyclists! and some I want to

[Fizz]

aww, why you gotta bag on the wave?

[VsVFR]

Man that was one great piece of writing. It is hilarious to see someone put into writing everything you think when you see or hear a large group of pseudo-bikers. You just rolled all those thoughts up into one magnificent Dennis Leary diatribe. Cool.

[Gatekeeper]

I have to admit, I didn't write that. I found it on another forum. Larry is rather eloquent if he wrote it and didn't find it somewhere else, also.

[Bubba Zanetti]

That was great Gatekeeper LOL!

A worthy thread if their ever was one!

BZ

[KENJI]

Someone needs a nap!!!!

[Gatekeeper]

Someone needs a nap!!!!

I see you have an HD and are in Phx.
That's funny, that is where this was written.

And I'm just getting up from a siesta.

[John451]

I despute 2 of them:

IF YOU'RE A MAN OVER 45 AND WANT TO BUY YOUR FIRST MOTORCYCLE... why spend $20,000 on something you're just going to clean and stare at and maybe ride to the bar weather permitting.

Are you crazy, I bought my '99 VFR in new condition for market price in '05 with only 1200 miles that had been traded by such a guy.

LOUD PIPES JUST ANNOY PEOPLE

No they don't, aftermarket cans on VFR's should be compulsory and any that don't have one obviously aren't proper V4 aficionados.

[34468 Randy]

NEW RULES

IF YOU'RE A MAN OVER 45 AND WANT TO BUY YOUR FIRST MOTORCYCLE... YOU CAN'T - Because you will be buying it for all the wrong reasons. Mid-life crisis. Stuck in middle management. Hair gone. E.D. Besides, why spend $20,000 on something you're just going to clean and stare at and maybe ride to the bar weather permitting.

GIVE ORANGE COUNTY CHOPPERS A TASTE OF YOUR SIZE 12s
IF YOU RIDE WITHOUT A HELMET PRE-PAY YOUR BURIALS COSTS -
LOUD PIPES JUST ANNOY PEOPLE
IF YOU DON'T RIDE IN THE RAIN YOU DON'T REALLY RIDE
STOP WITH THE WAVING ALREADY

Holly crap man talk about a

I bought mine just after turning 51. No mid life crisis here. It was a friggin disaster. Crisis can be dealt with. I have all my hair, retired and went back to work and am nearing middle management. I still have goals. VFRworld forgive me mine is usually dirty. I ride year round.

OCC are proof that it should remain illegal to have sex with your sister.

Right on the money with the helmet laws, and the pipes. I like it that I can go to work at 2 am in the summer when everyone has their windows open, and no one hears me.

And I ride in so much rain that I have had to tale a Power Squadron course to suppliment my licence.

If I see you on the road....guess what? I am going to wave at you. If I know it is you I will wave even harder.

[KENJI]

Hey Gatekeeper, I really did like that piece of writing, and I must say that theres alot of truth to what was said. What part of AZ. do you reside? Kenji

[Gatekeeper]

Downtown Phx.

[NeverlosT]

I like waving to people, and if it is scheduled to pour all day, I drive my car to work. I have ridden in the rain plenty of times, and to tell you the truth, the worst part about riding in the rain is trying to get the bike clean afterward!

Most of the other stuff I agree with. I think it is funny though that so many different groups of bikers adopt the "harder than thou" attitude. I think the most legit amongst us just ride whenever they want/can, do what they want/can, and let others do what they want/can. zoom.

[xShadowrider]

Excellent read Gatekeeper! Thanks for sharing. I am going to return to this thread often and I will forward it onto some of my riding buddies too.

However the old guy riding toward you on a pearl white '06 and waving at you will be me.


Sorry.

[34468 Randy]

I think the most legit amongst us just ride whenever they want/can, do what they want/can, and let others do what they want/can. zoom.

And that's the truth.....ptht !

[PAR518]

Interesting post. Thanks...

[VFR-Guy2000]

I agree with everything except the whole wave thing. I'm going to wave at everyone I see and it actually pisses me off when I wave at one of those dumb ass Harley or custom chopper riders and they don't wave back. It makes me want to turn around pull up next to them and give them a lecture about how stupid they are because at least 90 percent of them don't wear any riding gear and if both of us were in the same kind of accident, would fair out better than them, and if they think thier bike is soo bad ass that they can't wave back at anything but another Harley or custom then lets put my bike up against thiers and I garanty you I would woop the livin $hit out of them. In fact they would probably wreck trying! My point is that we are all on two wheels nomatter what you paid for it, we all face the same dangers out there and I feel as though when I do the wave to others I am in a way saying ride safe and I too share the love of bikes:sportbikesmile:. Thats my little bit.

[34468 Randy]

I agree with everything except the whole wave thing. I'm going to wave at everyone I see and it actually pisses me off when I wave at one of those dumb ass Harley or custom chopper riders and they don't wave back. It makes me want to turn around pull up next to them and give them a lecture about how stupid they are because at least 90 percent of them don't wear any riding gear and if both of us were in the same kind of accident, would fair out better than them, and if they think thier bike is soo bad ass that they can't wave back at anything but another Harley or custom then lets put my bike up against thiers and I garanty you I would woop the livin $hit out of them. In fact they would probably wreck trying! My point is that we are all on two wheels nomatter what you paid for it, we all face the same dangers out there and I feel as though when I do the wave to others I am in a way saying ride safe and I too share the love of bikes:sportbikesmile:. Thats my little bit.

Maybe it is jsut that Harleys shake so bad they are afraid to take a hand off the grips.