Harley riders checklist before ride:

[squirrelman]

(borrowed from another forum)

1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache
2. Spend 6- hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the �Live to ride�ride to live� statement on gas tank lid.
3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider
4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.
5. Look in mirror and perfect the �I�m a bad ass motherfucker� harley riding scowl.
6. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added gay appearance.
7. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)
8. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving
9. Leather pants
10. Gloves
11. Wrap around sunglasses
12. Skull cap (German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary----ooooh!
13. CAT work boots (new)
14. Leather vest with some �chapter� like: North chapter of pig fucking obese attention whore douche bags with fat ugly loud mouth wives.
15. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.
16. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline. Note: Most HD break down before hitting 2nd gear.
17. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout--------------how tough.
18. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle (WW2 outdated technology garbage) and pathetic store bought image (gay pirate from the Castro) attire. Have them ATTEMPT to meet you at the starbucks without breaking down or crashing due to being distracted from looking at themselves in their chrome.
19. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool
20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.
21. Saddle bags attached to pick up and store broken parts that fall off bike as you ride/push (if you can call it riding without laughing) that hunk of shit down the road.


This guy musta just switched to cheap generic medication.

[havcar]

Damn, I was all set to buy a Screaming Eagle or a Rabid Tucan or whatever they're called but I see that Zima is a pre-req. Since Coors halted Zima production I'm wondering if there is something that would be a legit substitute?

[motorhead1977]

Having owned a few, in reality, HDs are reliable transportation, just pricey. Even my old 1977 FXE was sunrise reliable and always got me home. Never had any qualms about going out 300 miles for a day and then another 300 miles home on it. No, it did not handle like a sport car, more like a Semi-truck. But it did what it was designed to do extremely well. I don't ask my 4X4 truck to do sport car tasks and I don't ask my sport cars to do truck work. Simple as that. And yes, I absolutely think my VFR is the best all round bike I ever owned. Just my $.02

[Knife]

I'm not a Harley hater, but I did laugh my ass off! Especially at #6.

[vfrhusband]

#18...WW2 outdated technology garbage.. so true. Even if the new Harleys ARE more reliable, they are total CRAP technology wise. Well at least they got Eric Buell using his head and developing modern applications... opps! Wait a tick...

[Cundalini]

Machines dont make men, men make machines.
( I just made that up, I think its pretty cool, really )
The 80% of jackasses on Harleys ruin it for the Harley riders out there that are NOT jackasses.
One of my best friends owns a gsxr, 2 harleys, and some other bike that I dont know what it is. ( havent seen him for a few months, I think it's a honda because he keeps telling me to come and see it but he wont tell me what it is )
He and his Dad built that Harley when he was 17 right before his dad passed away.
I dont diss on Harleys, just the jackasses. And yes _most_ people on Harleys are jackasses.
But not everyone. I think that his bike is awesome because he built it, if something was to break, he would know what it was, because he hand assembled the thing. Also as a fellow sportbike rider, he doesnt have any "harley" ego going on.
I agree with the general statement that you made, but there are exceptions.
Don't become what you hate......
Ok there is my 02 cents.

But yah, I wouldnt ride a harley, I would sell it and buy a goldwing. If you want a cruiser, honda made the best one. I had one, it rocked. I didnt even feel wierd that i still wore full gear.

ok there is the end of my drunken halloween post :)

[vfrhusband]

Well said... Happy Halloween boys.

[vfourbear]

Seen that list on a number of sportbike forums

People always gotta be hatin............heeheeeheee

Here's a bit of irony though, the same guy that will sit at an intersection and incessantly blip the throttle until it drives everyone nuts will bitch up a storm when a kid pulls up booming his car stereo.


Amusing side note; the other day after a nice ride my friend and I were at a local Dairy Queen type place drinking a soda and sitting outside by the bikes. This guy goes by on a sportbike, not really sure but it looked like a Gixxer, rather than wave or whatever he pulls in the clutch and revs it till hits the rev limiter like a stunna at a show. I mean just hammers it. We both shot soda out our noses.

[TOE CUTTER]

I said it before and I will say it again.

I miss the good old days when the guy on the Harley was a crank dealing ,gun slinging badass mother fucker. When I was a kid that is the only kind there was.

[Badbilly]

I said it before and I will say it again.

I miss the good old days when the guy on the Harley was a crank dealing ,gun slinging badass mother fucker. When I was a kid that is the only kind there was.

Those days are not gone. Just the other day my dentist was telling me about his adventures with his HOG chapter on thier annual Save The Gerbils run and the best places to get a mullet.

[Knife]

Those days are not gone. Just the other day my dentist was telling me about his adventures with his HOG chapter on thier annual Save The Gerbils run and the best places to get a mullet.

I've always wondered who's job it is to shave, de-claw, and de-fang those Gerbils so there's no chance of any colon damage. Is there a national Gerbil preparation franchise chain or something?

[78EDGES]

I enjoyed this post thanks for the laughs.

781 Edges.

[crustyrider]

number six was the only one I found humorous

[Squamish VFR]

I'll definatly send this to my brother the Harley rider. As a mechanic I find it tough to accept machinery designed to vibrate for no valid reason. Having said that, give me a Buell with the new Harley engine in it and I'll ride it for sure.

[Badbilly]

I've always wondered who's job it is to shave, de-claw, and de-fang those Gerbils so there's no chance of any colon damage. Is there a national Gerbil preparation franchise chain or something?

The prep on gerbils is done by machine. All HD dealers starting in Feb. of 2010 in order to fill space on thier showroom floors left by the absence of Buells will each have a Gerbil Cleaner. It will be attached to the Orange and Black coin operated DVD for a buck a day dispenser. It will be filled with all of the favorite HD fan flix starring Peter Fonda, Chuck Norris, Mad Dog Mary and others. The Gerbil Cleaner is also coin operated.

[vfourbear]

The prep on gerbils is done by machine. All HD dealers starting in Feb. of 2010 in order to fill space on thier showroom floors left by the absence of Buells will each have a Gerbil Cleaner. It will be attached to the Orange and Black coin operated DVD for a buck a day dispenser. It will be filled with all of the favorite HD fan flix starring Peter Fonda, Chuck Norris, Mad Dog Mary and others. The Gerbil Cleaner is also coin operated.

Cool.........I thought the extra space would be taken up by the new surrey top with fringe option for the Electra Glide.

I really dont need a gerbil cleaner........all my gerbils are clean as a whistle......I keep them that way, proper gerbil maintenance is very important, nothing worse than a dirty gerbil.

[squirrelman]

......more like a ground squirrel.....or one of these.....

[Badbilly]

Cool.........I thought the extra space would be taken up by the new surrey top with fringe option for the Electra Glide.

I really dont need a gerbil cleaner........all my gerbils are clean as a whistle......I keep them that way, proper gerbil maintenance is very important, nothing worse than a dirty gerbil.

Several of the Electrglides discribed are on the floor at Oklahoma dealerships as we speak.

Please explain to Squirelldude that these new machines only clean Gerbils, Any grinding of squirrels should be done at home under sanitary conditions.

[Bubba Zanetti]

number six was the only one I found humorous

Boy Crusty, you really need to get your bike running. Appears not riding has killed you sence of humor

BZ

[Bubba Zanetti]

S-man may be a 'progressive' when it comes to political thought, which causes much dissention on this board.

But none of you can take away his good taste in Japanese machinery!

BZ

[safetypro10]

Have to point out one mistake. Says leather pants, and we all know they're chaps, with HD conchos.

Who's BAD?

Larry

[vfourbear]

Squirelman's preride checklist:

1. check on squirrel make sure he's ok

2. envision world peace brought on by the entire world buying into Chomsky

3. put on Grateful Dead Cd

4. laugh into helmet thinking about what a goof Vfourbear on VFRW is

5. check on squirrel again

6. resist urge to do wheelie, get off bike and lie down for a second until urge passes

7. realize its colder than a damn witches tit in Buffalo NY and it would be nicer to curl up with a book in front of the TV and watch WSBK

8. check on squirrel again.

9. spin one up and relax

[crustyrider]

Boy Crusty, you really need to get your bike running. Appears not riding has killed you sence of humor

BZ

your right Bubba.......... been sick too...

[TimRav]

#2 on the list was the best IMO. Funny how much blingy chrome-plated crap some HD owners will buy and put on their bikes, and then NOT ride them. You sink all that money into a nice bike and bling, then ignore it except for a few perfect days each summer when you ride it to the bar.

The gear (or lack thereof) gets me, too. Leather vest over a t-shirt, leather chaps, boots, no gloves and no helmet. It begs the question: When you go down are you planning to only have your torso, legs and feet touch the ground? If any one thing says it's all about image, it's the presence of leather chaps coupled with the absence of a helmet.

And the obnoxiously loud pipes? Jeez, don't even get me started.

[Knife]

I heard somewhere that Harley riders don't wear helmets because their brains can't be damaged any further than they already are. Sounds fishy. I just don't know.

[MrDen]

Damn, I was all set to buy a Screaming Eagle or a Rabid Tucan or whatever they're called but I see that Zima is a pre-req. Since Coors halted Zima production I'm wondering if there is something that would be a legit substitute?

Smirnoff Ice.

[Cundalini]

I've always wondered who's job it is to shave, de-claw, and de-fang those Gerbils so there's no chance of any colon damage. Is there a national Gerbil preparation franchise chain or something?

I will PM you our info.

[Cundalini]

number six was the only one I found humorous

dick.

[Cundalini]

I heard somewhere that Harley riders don't wear helmets because their brains can't be damaged any further than they already are. Sounds fishy. I just don't know.

Good one, I like that.

[crustyrider]

dick.

Candy ass No wait...Peter puffer.. (I guess this would only work if you know a guy named Peter)