Our Daily Bread

[MrDen]

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

You can tuna piano, but you can't tune a fish.

The phrase "common sense" implies that we all have some. Simply not true.

Could I have been anyone other than me?

What our country needs is more unemployed politicians.

Watch the traffic. The light will never hit you.

And my personal favorite: There is absolutely no substitute for paying attention.

[PyroMcnoob]

Guns don't kill people. Apes with guns kill people.

XP

[JTC]

Life is like duct tape, there's a shiny side and a sticky side.

[Keager]

Life is like duct tape, there's a shiny side and a sticky side.

Come to the dark side. We have cookies!

[Knife]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for life.

[34468 Randy]

I always thought it as:

Of the opposite of Pro is con, then the opposite of progress is.....

Yup. That's where it came from. Just a different slant. Tkx.

[34468 Randy]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for life.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and turn him into a liar.

[Knife]

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

[Knife]

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

[Knife]

Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, and kill them.

[Knife]

Death is hereditary.

[Knife]

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

[spid6813]

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

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[Knife]

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

[Keager]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and turn him into a liar.

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

[vfourbear]

Guns don't kill people. Apes with guns kill people.

XP

Guns dont kill people, its the bullets. Guns are just bullet enablers.

[Bweiss]

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

[Bweiss]

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

[Bweiss]

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

[Bweiss]

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

[Bweiss]

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart

[Bweiss]

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

[Bweiss]

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

[Bweiss]

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

[Bweiss]

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

[Bweiss]

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

[Bweiss]

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

[Cundalini]

YouTube - Seether - "Fine Again" Official Video

yup.

[spid6813]

An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications..

[34468 Randy]

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

What would you see if you placed two mirrors facing each other?