Funny Stories

[ZonaMan]

I'm sure many of you have some funny stories to tell out there - and would love to hear/read them, so I'll begin this thread with a couple that I have been thinking about posting. I hope you think they're as funny as I do. Here goes:

Story#1: A few years ago when I had gotten the bug to ride motorcycles, I got a 1978 Suzuki GS400 for free that had been sitting for eight years in my buddy's yard. I restored it, learned how to ride, got my license, etc. After a while, I got the itch for a more powerful, bigger, and sportier bike. My wife and I were talking one night and watching Dr. 90210 and she asked what I would like better, a new motorcycle or for her to get breast implants, since they would be around the same price of $5000. Risking a big fight, I replied to her in all seriousness, "Honey, I would love for you to have nice big boobs, but I would get to ride a bike a lot more than I get to ride you!" In my amazement, she laughed and said I could get a new bike, thus me getting the VFR.

Story#2: Yesterday, I went in to get a vasectomy (why I am home today!) and after the procedure they were telling me all the things I need to do to take care of myself. They were telling me put frozen pees on my sack, lay down, take it easy, and then they said no sex for a week or two. I replied, "who cares about sex.....when can I ride my motorcycle again?"

Well, that didn't really happen in story 2 (the reply I gave...I did get fixed though) but it is what I am thinking while sitting around the house recovering and thought it would have been a funny thing to say. Thanks for reading!

[VaRollOn]

Hopefully your experience with your surgery will be better than mine. After severe post-partum we decided no more kids after 2 and I wanted no more surgery for my wife. Apparently I am 1 in 800 that the surgery does not work on. I have "Super Sperm" my doctor told me. Apparently in very small numbers the little bastards re-create another pathway after the Vas Deferens is FING GONE!!! THat was 1 year ago and I'm still pissed. Good luck, frozen peas are best for swelling!

You made the right choice VFR's rock and fake tits if you've ever experienced them look better than they feel!(and sometimes go drastically wrong as well)

Ride well.

[tbones86]

I went under the knife as well years ago, my inspiration @ the time was a brand spanking new 1995 Polaris XLT Special & of course the fact we(my ex & I) had two premies . I was reading the owners manual for the sled while they where taking care of business. They went thru the whole schpeel about after care, as soon as I got home one of the ex's daycare kids came barreling down the hallway & rammed me right in the groin w/ her forehead. Talk about man down, don't think 250 lbs has ever hit the floor so fast. As far as the sled, lost it in the big "D" after one of the daycare moms(happened to be engaged to my best friend ) thought I'd be a safe play toy, now that I was shooting blanks. Live & learn

[k9style00]

Maybe I'll just have someone airbrush a big pair of fake knockers on my gas tank. "Hey, why is that guy rubbing his gas tank at the light?" haha

[VaRollOn]

come to think of it I did have Sportrider that I was reading with me(they made fun)and muttering about getting a new ride, it just took a year to happen...

ibet most on here would admit to gas tank sex now and again

[ZonaMan]

Originally Posted by k9style00

Maybe I'll just have someone airbrush a big pair of fake knockers on my gas tank. "Hey, why is that guy rubbing his gas tank at the light?" haha

If I had tits or a pin-up girl airbrushed on my tank, it would be hard to pay attention to where I was riding!

[speed]

Hey Guys,
was there alot of pain after the surgery ? i have seven chrildren with my wife and we dont want anymore however i have been wimpping out so she got fixed but just about the time i think i got lucky she will say here comes number eight ?

[tbones86]

Originally Posted by speed

Hey Guys,
was there alot of pain after the surgery ? i have seven chrildren with my wife and we dont want anymore however i have been wimpping out so she got fixed but just about the time i think i got lucky she will say here comes number eight ?

Nah...pretty much a cake walk, just have to take it easy for a little bit. With seven I'd say its time to tear down the factory & put in a playground

[oss]

speaking of fake breasts i was in an establishment a few years ago (handing out dollarbills) and one of the girls was so nice that she grabbed my face. rammed it in her chest and shook her boby so hard i walked out punch-drunk.

[VaRollOn]

the surgery is different for everyone, that said I was fine for 3 days and then got A LOT of pain for like 4 days healing. Couldn't ride or do heavy exercise for a few weeks.

I recommend following your doctors advice and take it easy, you may feel fine but straining is one great way to have it bite you back later. I plan on doing it again and taking more of the tube because another child for my wife is absolutely out of the question due to severe PPD. Does it suck, yes, does it suck worse than having an 8th child---well I can't answer that I can't comprehend more than 2 of the little ones personally.

[nozzle]

Originally Posted by ZonaMan

... I went in to get a vasectomy....

I was trying to get one of those at my wife's request, but every doctor I talked would only do a sterilization procedure to the plumbing , so I said no way.... I want a vasectomy.

oss - that's called a motorboat if I have my "Wedding Crasher's" scenes correct.

Zona - who airbrushed that head on my wife's picture? (<----i'm going for wife bonus points here, just incase )

[ZonaMan]

So far my recovery is going pretty well. It hurts to sit here and type, so back to the couch in a few minutes. It's only my second full day after the surgery too, so we'll see how it goes.

As for the surgery, it only hurt a little.....the doctor didn't wait at all after injecting me with lidocaine before he sliced into me! (both sides too!) OUCH. But after it took effect I didn't feel anything. If you can go to the dentist to get a filling, you can handle this.

[ZonaMan]

Originally Posted by speed

Hey Guys,
was there alot of pain after the surgery ? i have seven chrildren with my wife and we dont want anymore however i have been wimpping out so she got fixed but just about the time i think i got lucky she will say here comes number eight ?

Damn dude, you are a brave (or crazy) man having seven kids!
Two is enough for me!

[winaje]

Originally Posted by ZonaMan

Story#2: Yesterday, I went in to get a vasectomy (why I am home today!) and after the procedure they were telling me all the things I need to do to take care of myself. They were telling me put frozen pees on my sack, lay down, take it easy, and then they said no sex for a week or two. I replied, "who cares about sex.....when can I ride my motorcycle again?"

Well, that didn't really happen in story 2 (the reply I gave...I did get fixed though) but it is what I am thinking while sitting around the house recovering and thought it would have been a funny thing to say. Thanks for reading!

Hey Zonaman, welcome to the world of spontaneous, birth control free fun...
I had it done 11 years ago and it's the best procedure...! Anyway, Don't walk around too much, and take it easy generally for a few days.

[reg71]

I had it done and my doc cut, then clipped then burned the tubes. over 10 years with no more surprises, but I did have pain after ejaculation periodically. I still do a rare occasions but nothing like that first year or so. it happened fairly often then it seems like. my doc recommended the two beer method for pain control post op. One in hand and one between legs at all times.

[nozzle]

Originally Posted by ZonaMan

So far my recovery is going pretty well. It hurts to sit here...snip... If you can go to the dentist to get a filling, you can handle this.

ZonaUnix: You could not have picked a worse analogy for me. Since insurance didn't pay for novacaine when I was a kid, I didn't get any.

I can still smell the smoke and hear the drill whhhhiiiiiiiiiiine as my tooth as I sunk into the chair as far as possible... I still can fell my teeth ache like it was rotating in its socket at the same rpm as the drill, the bits of tooth decay hitting my checks.... (you should feel sorry for me at this point in the post ;-)

I handled it, but I can now only imagine the same sensation-pain-in my groin. Make my new handle "candy-ass" if needed , but I'd need the beers ahead of time, not after.

why is my mouth dry after typing this?