Dear Randy

[vfourbear]

You need to know that advise sometimes hurts one's feelings, especially when the root problem runs so deep in the poor pathetic bastard seeking advise. Your feelings may be toughened my taking caustic baths. Start by doing this once every two weeks and then increase frequency until this is a daily occurance. By that time you skin should be tough enough that your tender feelings will not be hurt by such trivial comments.

Attachment 9748

I'm telling you , I aint bluffing on the pics, here's a sample, you letting someone off back when you were "on the job"

[34468 Randy]

I think a heart message is definately in order here. Something very similar did happen to me on the North Island Highway north of Campbell River BC years ago but it was south of the belt....Nuff said

[Knife]

vfourbear...

You've done it again with your new avatar! There's nothing sexier than two young hotties lighting beer farts. I'm getting all tingly just thinking about it. They're probably married, though. It seems all the good ones are taken. Maybe I should consult Dear Randy?

[vfourbear]

vfourbear...

You've done it again with your new avatar! There's nothing sexier than two young hotties lighting beer farts. I'm getting all tingly just thinking about it. They're probably married, though. It seems all the good ones are taken. Maybe I should consult Dear Randy?

I would..........

[Marrib]

Dear Randy,

My now ex-girlfriend just started dating another girl. Says she doesn't think we should have sex anymore. She says it feels like she's cheating on her girl. How do I get both of them in bed?

-Double Frustrated in Phx.

[34468 Randy]

Explain to her you don't have to have sex with her. You can have sex with her girlfriend. Technically this should be OK. Suggest to your old girlfriend that you will bring along your new girlfriend and make it a foursome. Just like a round of golf. Good wholesome exercise. And your win win win.

[CARMINE]

Hi Randy,
do bikers do "it" better ? In case of "yes" answer, could you explain why ?
Lamps to all Viffers..
Ciao, Carmine.

[Marrib]

Explain to her you don't have to have sex with her. You can have sex with her girlfriend. Technically this should be OK. Suggest to your old girlfriend that you will bring along your new girlfriend and make it a foursome. Just like a round of golf. Good wholesome exercise. And your win win win.

Randy,

I've just had sex with my ex girlfriend's girlfriend. My ex was there watching. My ex wants to get back together but I like my ex's girlfriend more. What should I do?

-Wacked in Phx.

[VFRShorty]

I think a heart message is definately in order here. Something very similar did happen to me on the North Island Highway north of Campbell River BC years ago but it was south of the belt....Nuff said

Dear Randy,

Did you mean "muff said"?

[34468 Randy]

Hi Randy,
do bikers do "it" better ? In case of "yes" answer, could you explain why ?
Lamps to all Viffers..
Ciao, Carmine.

It is not proper to compare one group of people to another when it comes to doing it. Each group really make up the mosaic of their society and environment. So. Bikers from the north of Canada for instance would be better at it than those in the southern warm climates. One reason would be that most of the year is is very cold and they are inclined to remain in doors where it is more conducive to doing it while the southern bikers are more likely to be out on the road with their bikes. Naturally it is difficult if not impossible to do it on a bike. The chess board and figures would fly all over the place

But those Italian Stallions. They are something else. They have a different meaning of the word it. The word it is derived from the initials "I" for intimate and "T" for touching. This adds up to sex. On a bike, in a vinyard, eating grapes or olives. On a park bench, in a fountain at the Vatican Gates in Rome. Drinking wine, sitting at a cafe with expresso. Young, old, fat skinny, beautiful or ugly. From the top near Switzerland, down to the bottom of the boot, those Italians....all they do is have sex, sex, sex, all the time. Put it away already.

Hope this answers your question.

Lamps

[34468 Randy]

Randy,

I've just had sex with my ex girlfriend's girlfriend. My ex was there watching. My ex wants to get back together but I like my ex's girlfriend more. What should I do?

-Wacked in Phx.

Tell them both the truth. you are gay. Problem solved.

[34468 Randy]

Dear Randy,

Did you mean "muff said"?

Not quite, But damned near close enough.

[chomper]

Thx for all

aren't i lucky your only a 30 min ride from me. on second thought thats darn right scary

[Scubalong]

Tell them both the truth. you are gay. Problem solved.

LMAO
Thank you all of you for a great laughs

[joshbea6]

Dear Randy,

Long time reader, first time poster...

Upon hearing about this thread by some of your fans, I decided to ask you for advice...

I need to get about $250 worth of parts/ etc. for the VFR. How do I break the news to my wife that I need to spend MORE mondy on the bike?

Sincerely,

World's Longest Oil Change

[Ardnfast]

There's this girl at work but I'm just a little too scared to make a move on her. She seems like she has some issues with guys but deep down I think she just needs some reassurance that not all men are pigs.

So, one day I finally got the nerve and asked her if she wanted some lunch. To my surprise she said yes and we went to some nice place and had some laughs. Then as we were walking out the restaurant she said that the chain on the bike looks real pretty in gold. After looking at it the chain just seems too loose, how tight should it be?

Confused about chains in Georgia

Gold! Pure gold... With a SOH like that you should be an Aussie! ;-)

[Badbilly]

I have a question about what all those guys are really doing on that bike in the avatar pic. I hope this is not a pic of the Biker Chippendales from Kalamazoo.

[Knife]

Dear Randy:

Why are you, vfourbear, and crustyrider so damn funny! I have to have an operation to have skin graphs inside my nose due to shooting hot coffee through my nostrils whenever I read one of your responses. And I'm also getting a little tired of having to change my tighty-whities several times a day. How can I solve these problems, yet continue to read your column?

Sincerely,

Knife in a Dilemma

[34468 Randy]

Dear Randy,

Long time reader, first time poster...

Upon hearing about this thread by some of your fans, I decided to ask you for advice...

I need to get about $250 worth of parts/ etc. for the VFR. How do I break the news to my wife that I need to spend MORE mondy on the bike?

Sincerely,

World's Longest Oil Change

You not da man.

Providing for your dependants is probably the most important thing you can do. Your wife should understand this. I will assume you wife is a relatively intelegent person. If the chips were down and something happened to you, she would probably get by. But who is there to provide for your baby. Your wife should not bat an eye at spending a pittance of $250.00 to maintain the health of your dependant. The VFR cannot fend for itself.

The time has come where men step up to the plate and let the wives know what is what, who wears the pants in the family and is the king of the castle. Of course for some who have posted here it would mean Queen of the parlor. However, a true Scot is a different story. They don't wear pants.

Just go out and get the neccessary and basic neccessities of life for your beloved VFR and "inform" your wife you have done so. You can then call me and I will supply you with several dating services you may wish to employ.

[34468 Randy]

I have a question about what all those guys are really doing on that bike in the avatar pic. I hope this is not a pic of the Biker Chippendales from Kalamazoo.

An interesting question. Car poolng traditionally has been to have two or more people in a car. Again, we motor cycle enthusiest were being discriminated against. The more vehicles we can get off the road, the better we all will be. This group of people should be commended for their concern for our environment. There should be no question that they are entitled to use the HOV lanes. Also consider the savings in toll charges over the year.

BTW. The front passenger wears a heat resistant cup and has skid plates on his ass.

[34468 Randy]

Dear Randy:

Why are you, vfourbear, and crustyrider so damn funny! I have to have an operation to have skin graphs inside my nose due to shooting hot coffee through my nostrils whenever I read one of your responses. And I'm also getting a little tired of having to change my tighty-whities several times a day. How can I solve these problems, yet continue to read your column?

Sincerely,

Knife in a Dilemma

You should be a long way from worrying about the skin graphs. On the typical male, there is sufficuent loose sking on the penis to provide a substantial supply of skin for grafting to your nasal passages. This would especially be true where the penis is seldomly used as in your case.

About the tighty whities. You appear to have an underwear fettish. You like tight underwear. They seem to give you a gooooood feeling. White is a submissive non agressive color so it would also appear you prefer to be on the recieving end of things. ....ugh.....ugh......uuugh.......aaaahhhhh........ Sorry. Try going comando. Spread absorbant paper towel on your seat. If you are doing this at work, tell everyon you have a highly contageous condition. Everyone will stay away.

BTW. I will PM you may address.

[34468 Randy]

Thx for all

aren't i lucky your only a 30 min ride from me. on second thought thats darn right scary

I wanted to give this one some thought before I responded. Given your very delicate condition, to come across too strong could send you into a deep tail spin.

You obviously have a deep desire to be everything like me. You idolize and worship my every being. This is more normal that you might think. Millions of adult males are in the same situation. Some women too. This is a perfectly normal way to be. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be perfect.

While no one will ever be as perfect as me, you can certainly do some things that will improve yourself, and be a more valued memebr of this VFRWorld Forum. Start by riding your beloved VFR more often. Take the bike out of the garage and ride the fucking thing in the rain you pussie.

BTW....no leaks on the canopy. Put the support out a couple days ago

[Joey_Dude]

Dear Randy,

There is a how shall I say it, a grammar nazi, I have to work with. She insists on using e.mail (note the dot) while I prefer just email. How should I take care of this email dilemma?

E.mail vs Email in Georgia

[Knife]

You should be a long way from worrying about the skin graphs. On the typical male, there is sufficuent loose sking on the penis to provide a substantial supply of skin for grafting to your nasal passages.

Dear Randy:

Well, with some trepidation I once again followed your advice. I had my penile skin grafted to my nasal passages to repair the damage. Now all is well, except every time I sneeze my nose gets hard, then starts contracting viloently, then shoots snot, and then softens up once again. It's a bit disconcerting, to say the least. Thank you (I think).

Sincerely,

Knife the Nose Boner

[jcoplen]

Dear Randy:

i have the most ungratefull wife i spent my whole weekend building a fence and i ran out of slates and screws when i told her we needed four more slates and more screws she said how you fucked something up i know you did keep in mind she made the shoping list for 44ft of 4ft wood fence but shes the one that fucked up the slates mesure 5 1/2 in and claim 6 so i ended up 44in short so how do you make an ungratefull wife gratefull?

[Scubalong]

Dear Randy:

Well, with some trepidation I once again followed your advice. I had my penile skin grafted to my nasal passages to repair the damage. Now all is well, except every time I sneeze my nose gets hard, then starts contracting viloently, then shoots snot, and then softens up once again. It's a bit disconcerting, to say the least. Thank you (I think).

Sincerely,

Knife the Nose Boner

That was great...............LMAO
Now I have the same problem.

[vfourbear]

Dear Randy,

Lately I have noticed a pronounced increase in my inability to decide.

I'm not really sure where this is indecisiveness is coming from or why.

I keep thinking there must be something that I'm missing, but cant decide what it might be

I have prepared this visual aid to assist me,




So far it hasnt helped much, maybe you can make some sense of it all, but I just dont know.

[Knife]

Dear Randy:

i have the most ungratefull wife i spent my whole weekend building a fence and i ran out of slates and screws when i told her we needed four more slates and more screws she said how you fucked something up i know you did keep in mind she made the shoping list for 44ft of 4ft wood fence but shes the one that fucked up the slates mesure 5 1/2 in and claim 6 so i ended up 44in short so how do you make an ungratefull wife gratefull?

I'm no Randy, but can't you think of a way to give her the inches she has been missing?

[drewl]

Dear Randy,

I have a problem.
I belong to an online forum about motorcycles. I have been an avid rider for about two years now. I love my bike more than my children. I have even included it in my will. Some say that is a little obsessive, but "BAH."
That is not my issue. This forum...it has me by the short and curlies. I HAVE to check it like 10 times a day at least. And it gets worse. Every time I check it, I feel the need to post something. It started with meaningful, insightful things. I tried to learn as much as I could. I tried to help others with what I learned. But then I had less substance to share and I could not stop posting. I even went as far as starting a thread about absolutely NOTHING. That thread (The Tiger, you may have heard of it) has taken on a life of its own. It just keep going and growing! And my need to post is insatiable.

Any advice would be helpful.

Post Hooer

[Badbilly]

[QUOTE=drewl;218663]Dear Randy,

I have a problem.
I belong to an online forum about motorcycles. I have been an avid rider for about two years now. I love my bike more than my children. I have even included it in my will. Some say that is a little obsessive, but "BAH."
That is not my issue. This forum...it has me by the short and curlies. I HAVE to check it like 10 times a day at least. And it gets worse. Every time I check it, I feel the need to post something. It started with meaningful, insightful things. I tried to learn as much as I could. I tried to help others with what I learned. But then I had less substance to share and I could not stop posting. I even went as far as starting a thread about absolutely NOTHING. That thread (The Tiger, you may have heard of it) has taken on a life of its own. It just keep going and growing! And my need to post is insatiable.

Any advice would be helpful.


The sheer number of posts makes this completely verifiable. To generate that many posts on something as elementary as a 500lb pussy is truely remarkable.