Dear Randy

[34468 Randy]

Dear Randy Readers,

Dare I go where no one else has gone on this site. Send me your problems and I will try to give you sound advise. Especially juicy renditions of your issues may require advise from someone more qualified such as Ann Landers or cousin Abby

[Scubalong]

Oh no Randy got the Drewl syndrom.................hahaha

[Joey_Dude]

There's this girl at work but I'm just a little too scared to make a move on her. She seems like she has some issues with guys but deep down I think she just needs some reassurance that not all men are pigs.

So, one day I finally got the nerve and asked her if she wanted some lunch. To my surprise she said yes and we went to some nice place and had some laughs. Then as we were walking out the restaurant she said that the chain on the bike looks real pretty in gold. After looking at it the chain just seems too loose, how tight should it be?

Confused about chains in Georgia

[Scubalong]

Huh...? Joey you need to see a shrink

[stoshmonster]

Dear Randy,

I've got this pimple on my butt,and I....uh....

Aw nevermind......

[Lgn001]

Dear Randy,

I seem to spend most of my time being confused about everything. It seems to be particularly bad when I am awake. Can you help?

Confused in California

[diVeFR]

Dear Randy,

My low fuel indicator is blinking and my front tire is about 5 psi low on my bike. Oh me, oh my, What in ever should I do????

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by Joey_Dude

There's this girl at work but I'm just a little too scared to make a move on her. She seems like she has some issues with guys but deep down I think she just needs some reassurance that not all men are pigs.

So, one day I finally got the nerve and asked her if she wanted some lunch. To my surprise she said yes and we went to some nice place and had some laughs. Then as we were walking out the restaurant she said that the chain on the bike looks real pretty in gold. After looking at it the chain just seems too loose, how tight should it be?

Confused about chains in Georgia

Make another date with this girl seem as you enjoyed her company in the first place. You should be sure to ask her if she was born a he or she cause you never know these days. If it really doesn't matter to you don't ask as it might hurt feelings.

The tension of the chain should be tightened such that the slack is similar to the size of what a reasonable person might expect certain appendages on your body to be. Gold chains are pretty to be sure, but you may wish to consider fuchsia which is becoming the up and coming color for todays biking men,

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by stoshmonster

Dear Randy,

I've got this pimple on my butt,and I....uh....

Aw nevermind......

Many believe that the appearance of pimples are a result of consuming improper food too often. Some pimples are really a rash from rubbing too hard. You need to decide what the cause of your pimple is first before we can deal with the removal of said pimple

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by Lgn001

Dear Randy,

I seem to spend most of my time being confused about everything. It seems to be particularly bad when I am awake. Can you help?

Confused in California

A confused state of mind is often mistaken for ectreme intoxication brought on by the ingestion of copious quantities of cheap booze. Switch to Highland Park 18 year old Single Malt Scotch and savor each sip. You will consume much less and be thinking clearly sooned. Oh. And stop sucking on those doobies made from BC Bud

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by diVeFR

Dear Randy,

My low fuel indicator is blinking and my front tire is about 5 psi low on my bike. Oh me, oh my, What in ever should I do????

Time your eye blinking with the light. Close your eye when the light comes on and open it when it is off. Soon you will develope the proper cadence and you will never know the light is blinking.

As far as the air goes we need to know what time of the year it is. You may be running summer air in your tires still and it is now about time to start using winter air. Don't forget that now is the time you want to start using a de-icer in your headlights too.

[02 VFR Rider]

Dear Randy,

I was working on my bike the other nite and was adjusting the valves and lost the finnagin pin on the v-tec side - is it ok to ozzle gloop it instead of getting a new finnagin pin??

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by 02 VFR Rider

Dear Randy,

I was working on my bike the other nite and was adjusting the valves and lost the finnagin pin on the v-tec side - is it ok to ozzle gloop it instead of getting a new finnagin pin??

Just add a bit of Slick 50 and drive it. If it doesn't stop you will probably be OK. If the engine stops. Take it to someone who is not a stupid as you. I didn't mean to suggest that being stupid is neccessarily a bad thing. Without stupid people, us bright people would not have anyone to compare ourselves with

[02 VFR Rider]

Originally Posted by 34468 Randy

Just add a bit of Slick 50 and drive it. If it doesn't stop you will probably be OK. If the engine stops. Take it to someone who is not a stupid as you. I didn't mean to suggest that being stupid is neccessarily a bad thing. Without stupid people, us bright people would not have anyone to compare ourselves with

thank you for you fast reply.
another problem is now my wife and kids are in the garage bugging me - can I shoot them??

[Knife]

Dear Randy:

I just met a fabulous girl I would like to start dating. But I heard through the grapevine that she will only go out with guys that have a 9" pecker. Would it be wise for me to have surgery to remove several inches just to have a chance with her, or should I just move on and look elsewhere?

Sincerely,

Big Dick Johnson

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by 02 VFR Rider

thank you for you fast reply.
another problem is now my wife and kids are in the garage bugging me - can I shoot them??

It is important to either muzzle the firearm or add sound-proofing insulation in the garage. Use a calibre that will do the job but not expend too much of that stinky smell int the air. Spread plastic on floor first.

[drewl]

Originally Posted by Scubalong

Oh no Randy got the Drewl syndrom.................hahaha

Muuuuwaaaahahahahahaahahaaaaaa!!!!

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by Knife

Dear Randy:

I just met a fabulous girl I would like to start dating. But I heard through the grapevine that she will only go out with guys that have a 9" pecker. Would it be wise for me to have surgery to remove several inches just to have a chance with her, or should I just move on and look elsewhere?

Sincerely,

Big Dick Johnson

She needs to obtain my private number. Try slamming yours in a door repeatedly. Eventually the end may fall off. You made no mention of whether you have been circumcised or not

[Scubalong]

You guys so hillarious.

[Lgn001]

Damn, Randy, you do seem to have a knack for this. You may not have to keep your day job much longer!

[vfourbear]

Since you were a Leo in a past life, maybe you can answer this one.

Please describe how to commit the perfect crime.

[RVFR]

OMG, How cool I think this thread needs it's own section to go too. . Good one.

Now for me, it's to late Randy

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by Lgn001

Damn, Randy, you do seem to have a knack for this. You may not have to keep your day job much longer!

You appear to be suffering from SDS. (Small Dick Syndrom) Presently there is no known cure so you are left with what you have. But if you exercise you imagination sufficiently, and buy a big truck, no one may ever know. Good Luck Lng001

[SilverSurfer800]

Dear Randy,

I have a friend who is having a problem with an exhaust system he purchased from a bunch of scumbag internet dealers. They try to blame him for everything instead of standing behind the products they sell. Is visiting them with a double barreled sawed off shotgun considered too harsh?

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by vfourbear

Since you were a Leo in a past life, maybe you can answer this one.

Please describe how to commit the perfect crime.

No crime is perfect. What is perfect, is getting paid for investigating those issues. It is important that a good investigator weighs all evidence he becomes aware of. This takes many hours discussing with your peers at Tim Horton's shops. If you are not inclined to pour over these hours of information, you would be wise to consider a profession as a Petroleum Transfer Engineer for one of the larger Oil companies. I do hope this will assist you in deciding your career path. Now f$&k off

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by RVFR

OMG, How cool I think this thread needs it's own section to go too. . Good one.

Now for me, it's to late Randy

See my answer to committing the perfect crime. Bambie Murderer

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by SilverSurfer800

Dear Randy,

I have a friend who is having a problem with an exhaust system he purchased from a bunch of scumbag internet dealers. They try to blame him for everything instead of standing behind the products they sell. Is visiting them with a double barreled sawed off shotgun considered too harsh?

Scumbag Internet Dealers (SIDS) are a reall problem for sure. Different ways of dealing with them have been discussed everywhere. Your friend should be aware that a double barreled shot gun only has two rounds. A better option would be a Remington 12 ga Pump with the plug removed. Or this....aa12 machine shotgun - Google Videos

But, Is this really a friend, or is it your issue? If it is you...then I have to ask. Where's your friggen head at?

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by Scubalong

You guys so hillarious.

You have a problem known in the industry as Giggle Butt. Try using chop sticks and eating a bowl filled with 1/4 pound of sweet baby peas once a day. Do this for 10 days and you will stop laughing.

[02 VFR Rider]

Dear Randy,
I was working on my house the other day and hit myself in the head. do'h
In the few minutes I was out it came to me that I should stroke something, the problem is I can't remember what I was to stroke - motor in my bike or my tool??
can you help me to remember??

[34468 Randy]

Originally Posted by 02 VFR Rider

Dear Randy,
I was working on my house the other day and hit myself in the head. do'h
In the few minutes I was out it came to me that I should stroke something, the problem is I can't remember what I was to stroke - motor in my bike or my tool??
can you help me to remember??

Who are you? Wait. Refer back to my reply to you about your wife and kids bugging you in the garage. I would make sure it was not one of them who knocked you in the head. If it was then stroke them.

Tools are not something to stroke. Any good man would not abuse his tools in this fashion. Tools should be used for their intended purpose, then cleaned up and put away ready to use the next time something arises. However, if you find you must handle your tools, they should be gently caressed, being sure not to handle them in such a fashion that their finish is worn off.