Anyone else ever done this? Long & very Dear Abby'ish

Ok, some back ground first; I was divorced from my high school sweet heart in 97'. Basically took myself out of the game for a year moped, drank like a fish & bought a bike after sometime with out one as seems to be common among the newly divorsed. Any way I did this for a year; had a one nighter w/ a friend that got me out of my slump. Met a nice girl we hooked up got engaged stayed together for 3 years she asked me to leave(she wanted another kid & I had tore down the factory & put in a playground, on top of the fact I had a little trist with the ex-wife early in our relationship that she said she was ok with but not really). We where apart for 6 months she got pregnant in that time & I had blown the majority of my savings drinking & covorting w/ strippers & many other methods of living dangerously. We got back together she had a beautiful baby boy, that I took on as my own from day one. Well we stayed together for another three years basically got bored, quit trying & split up. I hooked up w/ my current wife immediately after because I wasn't going to do the year of beating myself up thing again & didn't have the finanial resources to live "la vida loca" again. I hadn't heard a word from her until after I got married this last August(3yrs), she called to congradulate me on the marriage we talked she was newly single again & opened up the door for me to spend time with our son again(I hadn't seen him since about two months after we had split, which was more damaging to me than her leaving & I had no legal right to him so I couldn't do much about it). Some time during this I had set her up w/ a newer aquaintance/friend (he had been dating my ex wife,she kicked him to the curb to have a fling w/ an early 20 something kid; great guy first one I've liked since that split) anyway that didn't work out as he went back to my exwife(because she seems to have some sadistic control of men). As a result I was spending time w/ our son we started talking more & more began realizing old feeling where still there; a very precarious situation for me to be in newly married & all. I have remained true to my marital vows, which has been difficult @ times but I'm not ready to kill my marriage in its infancy yet even though things haven't been that great. A few weeks back she was complaining about not having a date for a wedding, so I mentioned that my best friend was single again(never married & no kids; a plus for her) well she was weirded out by it & ended not going w/ him. Well having two people I care about both alone & miserable to one degree or another I violated man law & convinced them to go out, after assuring both of them I would have absolutley no problems with it. Well they did, & have apparently hit it off as they went out friday night & my buddy hasn't been home since. I had to drop off his xmas(ebay purchase, had to wait for shipping) present to him @ her house tonight. 95% percent of me is happy that they seem to be getting along swimmingly ; I'm finding the other 5% feeling a little weird about it now after the fact. I don't intend on it letting it affect anything, as this is truly my best friend in the world, the guy who has went thru hell & back with me, the guy who would be sitting next to me in jail saying god damn that was fun. Then the girl that I find myself wishing I would have fought for(every now & then) when I had the chance. I realize this is very "Dear Abby" but has anyone done something similar(or am I an anomoly) & how did you deal with it.

 

Man, that is a tangled web tBones. I have been through some bizarre stuff including me and my brother dating sisters for over a year (DON"T DO IT MAN), but encouraging your best friend and ex-wife is definitely dangerous territory.

You clearly have good intentions, but are thinking of them too much and yourself not enough, IMO. Now the die is cast, just be positive. Now that I think of it one of my best friends had his "best friend" an aquaintance of mine hook up with his sister, they are now happily married, but it was the friends' doing pursuing the sister.

I say focus on your son and stay true.

 

:drama: I would respond but Im too confused

 

Well its simple really; I just set up my best friend w/ a woman that I was engaged to (twice) & spent 6 years of my life with. That I have a son with, I just wasn't in the room when he was made, but he is my son none the less. Though I may still harbor some feelings for her; I am married now, so we are friends. So ultimately I set up two single friends that where looking to not be single. If I look @ it like that it is a wonderful thing I did, but considering the history it a little weird too.:washing: (my dirty laundry)


I know the origanal post is a little hard to follow, it felt better to write out & send out for the world see so that I'm not alone & every one will think I'm Nuck'in Futs

Oh, by the way for any who responds feel free to send me a bill for your physciatric(spelling?) evaluation.

 

Hey man thats what we are here for Free frickin therapy. I was so stupid I spent a fortune with a shrink. and got the same results. talkin about weird shit in your life is good for your mental and emotional health. Need to keep your head screwed on straight at a buck forty-five. there was a guy down here had a fight with his fiancee'. he got on his GSXR 1000 flew it through a TACO Bell ( it was closed from hurricane Katrina at the time, they were going to reopen, now it is going to be a Star$ucks.) EMT's took the guy out in bags. no helmet no leathers tshirt tennis shoes & shorts.
I learned one thing from Dr. Hall. Life is short. YOU are responsible for your emotions no one else.. IF he is your bestus bud then be happy for him. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AND YOU CHOSE TO GO A DIFFERENT ROAD. DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY. ( i am not yelling I cant type worth a crap and I did not realize the caps lock was on. talking with friends is always good.
Peace
Danimal

 

Well, Let's see.... From a similar point I'd have to say, Your Married now, theirs nothing to deal with. Feeling will go away. Besides, you two broke up for some reason, whose to say that if you were to get back together that the same problems won't just happen again (trust me, people don't change). Just keep remembering the reasons you broke up and don't get trapped in the "only looking at the good stuff of the relationship" ,because the bad stuff is the reason your not together now and just remember that!!!

Just remember FIDO! (F*@k It, Drive On!!), Everything happens for a reason, if you love the woman your with, go with it,she must have married you for some reason. just don't screw this one up (If she's a good one then you won't have anything to worry about, and no need to go find something else)same goes for you!!! Live your life, not your EX-WIFEY's, let her make her own choices and mistakes, and I'm sure your Bestest Bud has a mind of his own, he can make his own choices. Stay OUT of it it will only cause YOU trouble!!

Beside, just to be a cruel bastage... you can just sit back and watch the new and improved drama from a distance and enjoy the show!! Beside their relationship is only going to last about three years (judging by her track record) and you friend will find a new toy to play with and you can laugh about it together and compare notes (in the privacy of the bar without the wife)
Ex's are just trophies.... keep them back on the shelf, look at them once in a while, throw them out eventually to make room for something else. Enjoy what life throws at you and laugh at what it throws at everyone else!!!

In the meantime Love your wife, Repair diesels, Ride Bikes that go really fast and finish the day by counting the bugs in your teeth

Oh and... "How do you Deal with it?" just remember the immortal words of Socrates... who said "I drank WHAT?"

Oh, and BTW Staying friend with you ex is probably not a good idea and will only cause problem in your current relationship... (experience talking) Women are funny and you can never tell what their REALLY thinking and if you stay friends with the ex, the current will never REALLY trust you (Regardless of what she says!!!!!!!!!)

 

Maybe I am just cold hearted but it sounds like you have a hard time moving on from a relationship. Personally I never go back. Never works. I guess I have the ability to leave things in the past. Life is too short. Live in the now and don't spend your time looking backward because you can only move forward. Thing is you can't move forward if your living in the past which leaves you going nowhere. I learned this the hard way after my daughters mother about ruined me. I did the drink yourself silly and spend all of your savings thing and all it did was hurt me. I ended up with custody of my daughter and that is all that matters to me. I only speak to her when absolutely necessary and hate even doing that. If it didn't work out the first time then it wasn't meant to be. That must be true since it didn't work out after that either. Don't be someones whipping post. Live your life for you and your child. You owe that to your wife that you have now. Just my opinion and good luck.

 

You may have hit that very squarely on the head, its taken ten years to be completely done & over w/ being concerned w/ what my ex-wife does. As far as the Ex fiance' I never really expected to hear from her again, so that was fine that way(except for not seeing my son thing). But I was wrong, she did apoligize for alot of the things she did when we where together so that was kinda cool, said she realized she didn't have it that bad. But another three years, who knows she would be looking for an out again. My buddy has a totally different personality than I do, far better suited for what shes looking for(who would know better); thats why I set them up. Plus she has a Richard Gere fetish & in a dimly lit room I suppose he could look a little like gerbal boy. He was looking, she wanted to but wasn't if I wouldn't have found someone for her I very well could have been on the menu, & on the right day I wouldn't have been opposed to it. So maybe there was a little self preservation involved in setting them up as well. I fessed up the whole mess to my wife the other night(leaving out a few details) only because we where all supposed to be going to the bike show in Minneapolis together prior to my buddy having a girlfriend, he now wants to bring her alongwhich I am ok with but didn't feel it would be fair to blind side my wife with that. So now I am doing major crisis aversion @ home, why oh why do I keep screwing myself. At the end of the day I just have to sit back & laugh to myself about all the stupid messes I seem to get my self into concerning women. It has caused me to change jobs in the past which has worked out well for me so its not all bad. Time to leave the past where it is & concetrate on the future. Thanks for all the advise guys. If my purpose in life is only to serve as a warning to others, I am doing a damn fine job of it:tongue:

 

:tongue: T-Bone, been married 29 years, but at the risk of some asshole commenting on my Playboy mentality, my wife and I have had many adventures together! Some occupy space, others truly live!!