Humor Thread

A redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse said to him, "congratulations, you wife has had quintuplets, five big baby boys."

The nedneck said, "I'm not surprised. I have a penis the size of a chimney."

The nurse replied, "You might want to consider getting is cleaned. They're all black."

 

Every time a bird flies by my freshly washed clean and shiny truck, and shits, I go inside and make myself a huge plate of scrambled eggs, then sit out on the porch and eat them. Just to show them fucking birds what I am capable of.

 

Him, "How do you like it?"
Her. "from the back. You pulling my hairs and slapping my ass."
Him. "I meant coffee."
Her. "Oh! Two and one."

 

Bob and Jim are in the local pub having a few cold ones when Bob says to Jim, "Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Mike."

Jim asks, "Since when has Mike been your best friend?"

"Since yesterday."

 

"If your Dad doesn't ride a motorcycle, you have two mums."

 

This is for you Bubba
Just wait 15 minutes right



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Vermont weather so much simpler than this

winter
still winter
mud season
summer (3-4 weeks)
winter



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Yup have a house in Herriman UT and just wait 15 minutes is no lie— same here in CO
Lake affect what’s that
OH


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Yup have a house in Herriman UT and just wait 15 minutes is no lie— same here in CO
Lake affect what’s that
OH

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Duccmann, it's lake effect, and in case you don't know it is what happens when cold winds blow accross warmer water. The result is typically snow, tho it can at times result in cold rain. The cold is still holding strong in the mid-west USA. THINK SPRING !!!!

Back to the Humor.

 

Thanks got it
typed in effect and f’ing autocorrect
Have to figure how I turn it off


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Where did the Easter Bunny have breakfast this morning?









IHOP

 

Watch out for the harmless little bunny

 

Yeah, I dislike auto-everything!

 

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A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'


'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.


The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.


The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in
this room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something,
and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'


The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers
if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man then decided to walk out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.


The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'


'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.??


The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'


'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.


The waiting room erupted in laughter.