Humor Thread

Had to Google Thanos, hadn't heard of him.

 

LMAO!

Reminds me of a conversation I had maybe a decade or two ago - it might sound a little callous to borderline sociopathic but I'll tell the story anyway. Me and some friends were playing poker and got to talking about stuff like traffic congestion, road rage, aholes, crime, pollution, natural resources, global ecology, Malthus, worthless members of society, etc. I'm pretty damn conservative (and perhaps a little callous to borderline sociopathic) and reckoned that if I had the power to snap my fingers and make it so, I could make this world a better place (at least the US) by getting rid of about 40% of the population (and NOT at random like Thanos) without thinking too hard about it. My buddy and his brother are pretty darn liberal (both graduated from Cal (bezerkely)) and they said they thought about 15% of the population wouldn't be missed. So we figured that the difference between a conservative and a liberal is about 25%... HA! Ok, I guess you had to have been there (or also a little callous to borderline sociopathic)…

FWIW, I think me and another buddy were the only ones laughing in the whole movie theater during this scene (ya just don't lead em so much):

 

LOL What have ya got for over-inflation?

 

?

 

Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"


There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."


The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.


Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."


They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.


Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"


"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."


"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.


As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"


The bartender says, "They're retired Canadian Mounties. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price..."

 

LMAO, same same everywhere Randy!!!! ROFL!!! Buncha cheapskate bastids! LOL

 

Superman was being interviewed and the reporter asked, "what is the strangest thing that you ever experienced?"
Superman said, "Well I was flying over the city one day when I saw Wonder Woman naked on a roof top with her legs apart and writhing in a most provocative way so with my super speed I tore off my cloths and flew down landing on top of her."
The reported said, "Boy I bet she was really surprised!"
Superman said, "Not half as surprised as the invisible man"

 

If you're ever in doubt about who your best friens is, your wife or your dog, lock them both up in the boot (trunk) of your car.
Next day open the boot and see who is happy to see you. It wasn't even a contest.

 

The origin of the term ape hangers ?

 

If a bird flies his way...yup....he's fukt!

 

Yeah, sometimes stupidity knows no bounds.

 

If we on our bikes hut something, we fly off the bike and land most likely on the ground. We hurt for sure but our gear does minimizes the hurt somewhat
This tool ….well I just can't imagine the hurt he will suffer. If nothing else, those handle bars are going to rip him right in half, beginning at his nuts.