Bubba Z’ lamentations on idiotic motorcycle mods

Discussion in 'Anything Goes' started by Bubba Zanetti, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. Bubba Zanetti

    Bubba Zanetti Member

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    I was going to write this in a Biblical prose, but decided plain language may be better.

    I thought this could be a good long winter topic and maybe we could all have some fun.

    In my time as a motorcyclist I have become quite surprised at what other riders will spend good money on to make their bikes ‘look’ better or ‘perform’ better. It seems though these mods are done more for the reasons of peer pressure or upon the advice, bad advice, of someone who should know better.

    So here are what I consider some of the most retarded mods:

    1. Clear Turn Signals: Can someone please explain to me what the f-ing fascination is with having ‘clear’ turn signals? Does it relate to some ones wanting more transparency in their life’s decision making and it manifests itself by signaling what direction you are going to go when riding thru a clear lens? Are you a budding Scientologist and since you will never be able to afford reaching the state of “clear” in that cult you put your bikes conscience forward and try and help it obtain the clear state of consciousness? There is something amiss with this my motorcycle brethren and I smell a conspiracy with the clear plastics manufacturing companies and their infiltration into such pop culture manifestations (i.e. turds) as the common rap video, and the cinematic horror shows “Biker Boyz” and “Torque”. Notice all the clear turn signals in these forms of media that are steaming piles of failure.

    2. The ‘dreaded’ VFR Condom Mirrors: Now first, I must say I know the stock mirrors sometimes need switched or extended so the owner can see. That’s a safety issue and I am not going bust on it, but I am surprised at the volume of people who switch them out to ‘clean’ up the bike. Which leads me to two things. First, ‘clean’ up the bike? Fellow riders if your bike is not ‘clean’, please wash it. Condom-less mirrors are not going to help. Two, I’ve never…NEVER had ANYONE approach me and say: “Hey man, I was looking at your bike and those mirrors are so awful I puked up my lunch, they totally ruin the look of your bike and I’d never own a VFR because of those mirrors”. However, if someone said the opposite, I would have to question their motivations of why they ride and my own motivations as well if it centers around the look of a bikes mirrors.

    3. Fender Eliminators: Sorry brother Bear, I know we talked and you like’em, but I think they are the first in a two part process of exposing a riders latent homosexual tendencies. Think about it, you are ‘opening’ up the rear for viewing pleasure and aesthetics. There is no other logical deduction other than you really are manifesting the desire to show your naked ass to others in the hope of being mounted, which leads me to the second part in this process…

    Note* Hats off to those who take their sawzals and just cut the fender off LOL!

    4. Rear Tire Huggers: Here’s the second part exposing deep seated desires…you’ve eliminated the fender, so you are open for viewing please, now you’ve ‘hugged’ the rear with something nice and tight…hmmmmm…I think you are all seeing the bigger picture. Elf800 did his doctoral thesis on this matter, very fascinating. You can find it on microfiche at the Library of Congress. So, in closing, please spare us the talk of how your bike looks ‘clean’ and just come out of the closet. VFRW will still accept you.

    5. Chrome: Well before you throw the first stone, remember I’m holding all the rocks right now. Yes, the 97 has chrome rims, but the previous owner had that done. I can say that yes, they look nice but I would never spend the kind of money it takes to chrome rims. When I looked up the cost I almost fell over. A small country could be fed for that kind of money! I could take Nick Ienatsch’s riding school! But more importantly, chrome is like a cancer. Once it’s on your bike you want to chrome more pieces! WTH is going on? I spent 13 bucks on a chrome oil cap, spent 35 bucks on chrome clutch/brake covers…Yikes! I found myself watching Biker Boyz 20 hours a day and hanging out in South Philadelphia street racing. But I’ve been blessed and was led to a 12 step chrome recovery group. I was the only sportbike guy as everyone else was from the HD crowd, but I am now working the 12 steps of chrome recovery and taking it one day at a time.

    6. Performance mods: This is a big one and I don’t think I can cover it all easily. Put simply, there is a lot of old out dated information out there that has translated into today’s bikes and making them ‘faster’. I too have fallen victim to this in the form of a Dynojet Stage 1 kit. Cost me 160 bucks for the kit and install and I actually lost a little HP AND gas mileage (Dyno information confirmed). Did it smooth out a small rough spot? Yes, but a little throttle control also works and is a hell of a lot cheaper. That was the cost of a track day! Well, live and learn as they say. So here’s my point. Do a lot of research if you are truly looking for some kind of honest power gain. Not just posting a question on the VFRW board and taking what we say as Gospel. Now that I did it backwards, I’ve found the HRC kits were the best jet kits for the VFR and there are still mechanics out there that ‘specialize’ in V4’s. Wish I had e-mailed them earlier. Now I don’t want to take away from some of our resident experts. We have some good guru’s with regards to the older VFR’s that know carb work pretty well and their opinions are valued. I’m just saying dig deeper and see what you find. Especially if you have a fuel injected bike.

    So fellow VFRW riders, what mods do you despise? What mods have you done that made you say “Why the hell did I do that”? or” That is one of the best mods I’ve ever seen”!

    BZ
     
  2. vfourbear

    vfourbear New Member

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    While I am grateful for your attention and attempts to try to get at the root of my weirdness, you have only scratched the surface. It goes much much deeper than my sexuality. My butthole remains as tight as the day I was born. But I do think youre a really good looking guy. You really dont have the time to devote to digging deep into my twisted psyche, it would be very hard and take a penetrating probe of epic proportions. Limp attempts wont do. You'd have to be nuts to try. Crazy shit would come out and spew all over the place. The smell alone would gag you.

    BTW, I still have the "troll motor" hanging low on the back of my bike.

    Also I work in the plastics industry, and yes, we are in cahoots with evil and are even now formulating our evil plan to make all turns signals bend to our will, You too will submit, we are coming for you.................
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  3. NorcalBoy

    NorcalBoy Member

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    Least favorite performance mods: Gutting the stock cans, removing your velocity stacks and the installation of wider rims and bigger tires. Of course, a couple runs on the psychological dyno may prove me wrong.
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  4. betarace

    betarace New Member

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    the only worthwhile mods in my book are rider improvement training (schools, books, experience). On modern bikes the weakest link is always the rider.
     
  5. 02 VFR Rider

    02 VFR Rider New Member

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    suspension it the best place to start.
     
  6. jaimev34

    jaimev34 New Member

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    I disagree with the condom mirrors, fender eliminator, and hugger. Both the non-condom mirrors and the eliminator are cosmetic things that, for many riders, make their bikes look better.

    As for the hugger, well look at the rear shock of a bike without one and compare it to a bike with one. Notice the difference? This is actually a functional mod that help keep things cleaner.
     
  7. TOE CUTTER

    TOE CUTTER Mullet Man

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    I must chime in on the condoms. The ones on Nipple Cakes bike fit like glove , but the ones on Doodles bike doe not. I can't stop f'n with the ones on Doodles bike, they draw me in and will not let me go......I must try to make them fit, I must I tell you! (1234,1234,1234)
    :crazy:
     
  8. vfourbear

    vfourbear New Member

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    Fixt

    But absolutely true Beta.............
     
  9. 02 VFR Rider

    02 VFR Rider New Member

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    I have to ask.. what is a condom mirror???
     
  10. Bubba Zanetti

    Bubba Zanetti Member

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    Cleaner!? I already addressed the 'cleaner' isue. Wash you bike if you want it cleaner:biggrin:

    Just becasue a rider thinks it makes their bike look better doesn't make it so...

    BZ
     
  11. Bubba Zanetti

    Bubba Zanetti Member

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    Stock VFR mirrors have a big rubber boot that cover the metal rod and mounting hardware.

    BZ
     
  12. Badbilly

    Badbilly Official VFRWorld Troll Of The Year!

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    BZ,

    John Travola will get your ass for dissing that company called ElRon who make those clear turnsignals. Maybe even Tom Cruise will show up in his spaceship to whup on you.
     
  13. Bubba Zanetti

    Bubba Zanetti Member

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    I've got my big pile of cocain waiting to sniff so when they enter with their alien posse I can shout "Say ello to my ittle friend"!:gun3:
     
  14. 300shooter

    300shooter New Member

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    Sorry Bubba, gotta disagree on the fender elim. That thing is just too damn FUGLY. Made my own out of stainless and Think it's wayyy cleaner. As far as the "gay suspect" thingy, damn, you oughta see my bike from the back with my girl on it, you wouldn't get your eyes lowered enuf to see the elim anyway. LOLOLOLOL . Peace Buddy!!
     
  15. jay956

    jay956 New Member

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    ever since i took the hugger off my bike (it broke) there has been all kinds of crap thrown onto the shock. theres even rocks stuck behind the spring.
     
  16. Cyborg

    Cyborg New Member

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    Bubba, I'm with you on most of your list, especially clear turn signals lens. Now, WTF is it with stretched vehicles, especially motorcycles?!
     

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  17. Bubba Zanetti

    Bubba Zanetti Member

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    The stretched bike thing also has its roots in latent homosexual issues.

    BZ
     
  18. crustyrider

    crustyrider New Member

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    Sticker removal.......... of course I don't really have any on mine right now.............but be proud of what you ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  19. Bubba Zanetti

    Bubba Zanetti Member

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    Hey! I already addressed the 'clean' issue! Wash your damn bike to make it CLEAN:reg:

    BZ
     
  20. Bubba Zanetti

    Bubba Zanetti Member

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    Actually NCB, I've been thinking.

    The mods you take issue with are great if you are looking for a decrease in power. Add a Dynojet kit on top of your list and lose a few extra HP:tongue:

    BZ
     
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