Humor Thread

Discussion in 'Anything Goes' started by 34468 Randy, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. FJ12rydertoo

    FJ12rydertoo Member

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    I liked the burnout video, sometimes karma just strikes immediately.
     
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  2. Lint

    Lint Member

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  3. Lint

    Lint Member

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    27ca934293c2d2c60630c75dab1319e0.jpg
     
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  4. Gator

    Gator Insider

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    cal.jpeg
     
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  5. Gator

    Gator Insider

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    cosby.JPG Had to repost this one.
     
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  6. Lint

    Lint Member

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  7. Lint

    Lint Member

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    "Oldies, but goodies from Hollywood Squares"
    Q.
    Do female frogs croak?
    A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


    Q.
    If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
    A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


    Q.
    True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


    Q.
    You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q
    Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
    A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
    (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

    Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
    think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
    A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.


    Q.
    Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency
    .

    Q.
    What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
    A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


    Q.
    As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
    A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


    Q.
    Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
    A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


    Q.
    Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
    A. Charley Weaver: Of course not. I'm too busy growing strawberries.


    Q.
    In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


    Q.
    During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
    A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


    Q.
    Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


    Q.
    When you pat a dog on its head, he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
    A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


    Q.
    If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
    A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


    Q.
    According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


    Q.
    Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
    A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


    Q.
    Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


    Q.
    Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


    Q.
    According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
    A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
     
  8. marriedman

    marriedman New Member

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    You know there will never be another show like that on the air. Too many people would get their feelings hurt or accuse the show of fostering a hostile environment with all of the innuendo.
     
  9. OOTV

    OOTV Insider

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    There are a few videos on YouTube of just Paul Lynde's quips on Hollywood Squares, he was very quick witted and funny to boot! I agree Marriedman, too many people getting offended these days.
     
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  10. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Secret Insider

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    So many people these days get all in a huff and take a hissy over such little things. It is a shame we can't live a lighter life again.

    I am offended!
     
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  11. OOTV

    OOTV Insider

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    Well Sir, You being offended, offends me!
     
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  12. Lint

    Lint Member

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  13. Lint

    Lint Member

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    I'm offensive!

    Uh, wait, you know what I mean.
     
  14. Lint

    Lint Member

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    Hope I haven't reposted this

    FB_IMG_1538133883542.jpg
     
  15. Lint

    Lint Member

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  16. Lint

    Lint Member

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  17. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Secret Insider

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    If you think the Tide Pods are tastey, you should try the cotton candy in the attic!
     
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  18. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Secret Insider

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    We are expecting a much longer and colder winter this year. The squirrels are collecting and storing more nuts than normal this year. Which makes me wonder. Has anyone seen Reg71, Scubalong. Toe Cutter and Derstuka lately?
     
  19. Lint

    Lint Member

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    I see Reg in chat occasionally. Long is in Vietnam. Not sure about the rest.
     
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  20. Lint

    Lint Member

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