Humor Thread

Hmm ...traffic is light this morning

 

A privately registered Cirrus SR20 aircraft, was rented by a commercially licensed pilot for the purpose of building flight time. As the pilot had limited experience on this aircraft type, in addition to no recent flying, the pilot hired an instructor to provide some training. The instructor was a Class 1 instructor, and a Transport Canada accredited Pilot Examiner.
On 12 March 2019 at 1342 Eastern Daylight Time (EDT), the aircraft departed from Runway 33 at Toronto/Buttonville Municipal (CYKZ), ON, with the commercial pilot and the instructor on board, with the intention to conduct some circuits at CYKZ. The wind was light and variable, so the aircraft joined the left downwind leg of the circuit for Runway 33, and planned for a touch-and-go.
At 1348 EDT on the initial touchdown, the aircraft bounced and full power was added to commence the takeoff portion of the touch-and-go. The nose of the aircraft was raised, the aircraft became briefly airborne, before returning to the surface abruptly. The nose was raised again, and the tail of the aircraft struck the runway as the aircraft became airborne again, albeit briefly. As the aircraft contacted the ground the third time, the outer right flap hinge and right wheel contacted the ground outside of the runway surface laterally, approximately 1000 feet from the runway end. The nose
was raised again, and the aircraft continued the take-off roll.
As the aircraft left the runway surface longitudinally, still on the ground, it struck a 4 foot high fence, located 60 feet from the runway end. Past this fence, the terrain slopes down toward 16th Avenue, which crosses the departure path perpendicularly. The aircraft crossed 16th Avenue in the air, in a right bank, and dragging the right wing tip. The aircraft passed directly in front of a tow truck that was in the westbound lane, and the driver of the vehicle captured the event on dash-camera. North of 16th Avenue, the terrain rises rapidly; the aircraft collided with the ground, and came to a stop
approximately 250 feet past the end of Runway 33. The two occupants were wearing 4-point safety belts and received no significant injuries. The aircraft received significant damage to the wings, nose, tail, landing gear, and propeller.

The aircraft was equipped with an Avidyne FlightMax Entegra flight display that recorded engine and GPS data. The unit recorded data at 10hz, or one data point every 6 seconds. This data was acquired and analyzed by the TSB following the accident. It was noticed that, following the initial touchdown on Runway 33, the engine RPM and manifold pressure increased to full, followed by a significant reduction, and then a return to full. During the touch-and-go attempt, the recorded ground speed steadily decreased from 61 kts at the initial touchdown point, to 52 kts shortly before
impact.

 

I couldn't believe my eyes. Here I was, driving to work this morning and right there in front of me was a Dodge Durango. And it had a "For Sale" sign on he back with a phone number. So. I gave the number a call.

"I'm calling about your Durango for sale"

"Yes. It is still for sale"

"Does it run?"

"Yes it runs great."

"Good! Then step on the gas or get the fuck out of my way!"

 

Sixteen year old girl traffic violator, "Do you know who my dad is?"

Patrol officer, "No. Does your mother? Sign here."

 

WTF! What's next?

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=2428890677346388

 

A miracle recovery.

 

CAN ADMINS OF THIS SITE DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS.
I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT CAUSE ITS SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.

 

I told mom not to do that here for Chrissake. Sorry BW. I'll speak to her again.

 

Looks like that first guy got all fired up about the possibility of missing the last ferry. And that second one, the guy on the bike. We should be reading his Obituary. Amazing.

 

A lawyer boarded an aeroplane in Dublin with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in London, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs, in Dublin, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up.... So she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think

 

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F

 

Trouble on the track