Humor Thread

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me"
The mother-in-law left.
When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.

 

Was that you?

 

Might be a repost but here it goes regardless.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy
boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

*Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.Again he asked
Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different
NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's
different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be
hanging down again tomorrow.

"Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY
IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."*

 

Website Moderator: I'll show this non offensive member of a few months the error of his ways.



Not the mods here, obviously.

 

Speaking of her.

 

I have my doubts about the accuracy of this history lesson.
But it's good for a few laughs. How Crystal Meth almost won WW2.

 

Looks like another US built motorcycle is coming soon. Harley better get its act together.

"At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other recreational equipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcycles designed to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson.

Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, “We have studied the market and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowly missed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers”. Long added, “We, at Johnson, are convinced our product hits the target dead center and promises to draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle has been able to accomplish”.

The new line of bikes, marketed under the name ‘Big Johnson Motorcycles’, will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. “Our research show that this, “Big Johnson” is what Harley buyers are really after”.

At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley owners agreed. “When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson”, said one Harley owner.” But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacement for having a Big Johnson.”

Manager Long also said that his company would follow the lead of Harley-Davidson and cash in on a huge market for non motorcycle related products. “We realize that not every guy can have a Big Johnson”, said Long, “But image is very important to people. If they don’t have a Big Johnson, they at least want to project the image of having one.”

Asked if he anticipated Big Johnsons showing up in the hands of Harley owners, Long said it was unlikely. “I just don’t see the need to have a Harley if you have a Big Johnson”, he said. “And I can’t imagine someone who spends all their resources to acquire a Harley having a Big Johnson. I think it boils down to this – You either have a Harley, or you have a Big Johnson, but you are not likely to have both. “Given the choice”, said Long. ” I think most guys will opt for the Big Johnson”. Another force driving sales for the company will come from women. A survey of the wives and girlfriends of nearly 1,000 potential motorcycle buyers indicates less than 5% would approve of their partner spending $15,000 on a Harley Davidson. But, when asked if they would be willing to pay the same amount of money to get their partner a Big Johnson, nearly 4 out 5 thought that would be money well spent.

One female present at the product unveiling was quoted as saying, “There is no way I will let Lonnie drop 15 grand on another one of those Harleys, but 15 grand to get him a Big Johnson? Well, now that’s something we could both enjoy and it’s something he really needs.”"

 

All made of balloons

 

That balloon bike is pretty cool.

 

Is that one of those new Air Suspension bikes I have heard of?