Humor Thread

I think this one only works for motorcycle people. LMAO.

One day, a man decided to retire...
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other
people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island, where I landed when my fishing boat sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this ole thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the
woman. " On the south side of the island, a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says, "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an
expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, It's not much, but I call it home.
Please sit down." "Would you like a drink?"
"No! No, thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes
upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering
closer to him, "We've both been out here for many
months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?"
She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing.
"You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
"You've built a Motorcycle?”

 

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black-tail prairie dog kisses grey squirrel butt while mom and dad look on.

 

After examining me the urologist said I had a perfectly healthy prostate. I was deeply touched.

 

Royal Canadian Mounted Police Organizational Chart

 

Is that the shitter Randy? lol

 

Second from the bottom is the shitter. WE were in the sewer below the shitter.

 

On their wedding night, the young bride
approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed:
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what
he'd been earning and therefore, they were
financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly $1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits
issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex. These holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out. "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him....
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut

 

you can eat the brake lines toasted, with butter.......

https://buffalo.craigslist.org/mcy/d/buffalo-2007-honda-cbr-600rr/7470866478.html