Humor Thread

Discussion in 'Anything Goes' started by 34468 Randy, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. Doug7200

    Doug7200 New Member

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    From now on, whenever you look at an outlet, You'll think of this...Your welcome!
     
  2. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Well-Known Member

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    Hydro is having sex all over my living room and kitchen right now. We are trying to get ready for dinner!
     
  3. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Well-Known Member

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    So. Wife and I sit down to watch a movie neither of us have seen before. Then it starts. The onset of question after question from my wife about the movie

    Like WTF! Was I the director or something?
     
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  4. Gator

    Gator Insider

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    The 3 stages of sex.

    - Sex all over the house. Newly wed sex

    - Sex in the bedroom . Married with kids sex

    -Hallway sex. Later years of marriage. Passing each other in the hallway "Fuck you! No, Fuck You!"
     
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  5. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Well-Known Member

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    I have a friend that is actually going through that. Seriously. Don't know how they live under the same roof together. Guess it is better than paying lawyers to negotiate how much of your possessions and assets you will not get to keep because your legal bills are too high.

    I am sure lawyers just love pig headed people going through a divorce. They will argue for weeks on end who gets to keep that teaspoon from the Grand Canyon given to them by a mutual friend so long ago, they don't even remember the name.

    Divorce Lawyer: "Mr. Smith. We have a strong case for your keeping this spoon. I will research the precedence to show why the man is just as entitled as the woman to keep souvenir spoons. It should only take a few days to put this together and I will just tack it onto my bill."
     
  6. Lint

    Lint Well-Known Member

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  7. Nelix

    Nelix Active Member

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    A Yank lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from America and is certain that he has a better education than any Scottish Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop's expense!! Glasgow cop says, " License and registration, please."
    Yank Lawyer says, "What for?"
    Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
    Yank Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
    Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration,please."
    Yank Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
    Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to a complete stop, that's the law... License and registration, please!"
    Yank Lawyer says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
    Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
    The Yank Lawyer exits his vehicle.
    The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says,
    "Dae ye want me ta stop...... or just slow doon?"
     
    Doug7200, fink, 34468 Randy and 2 others like this.
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