Before you resort to a sawzall or a quarter oz of C4. Get on a site that sells fasteners and look up the difference between well nuts and push rivets. Loved your fish analogy but you may be best off with canned tuna. "Sell a man a fish and he will eat it. Teach a man to fish and if he follows all the rules, he'll probably have to toss it back or get busted by a game warden.