Humor Thread

If you lived in the US Obama Care might cover it!

 

Hahahahahaahaaa!!!!


Sent from my iPad using Using my thumbs

 

I try to stay away from US politics and religion......Guess that covers just about everything American huh. JK

(Huh is American for Eh!)

 

you forgot about guns, eh?

 

No politics or religion here brothas...it's an argument waiting to happen. Lets stick to what we're here for

 

Nothing more political down there than guns. When are you going to expose your avatar's tits Duc?

 

Funny you should ask..tried logging on my home computer and it freeking wont let me log in to change my avitar...just have try on my Iphone or maybe Jev can help...oh lord...maybe soon...

 

1 Life is sexually transmitted.

2 The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

3 Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 

When we found the story, it had been posted without an author's name, but we did a little digging and found that Reddit user bigbadwolf69 is the original author.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?"

The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?'"

"I remember that, too" she replied softly...

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

 

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Aussie were sitting around talking about women, and what made them tick.

The Englishman said "I serve my wife tea and crumpets in bed and polish her toenails while she supps, and she is so happy."

The Frenchman said "I sprinkle rose petals on my sweetheart while she lies naked in bed, and then slowly removes them with my tongue, and it makes her ecstatic."

The Aussie said "After we have sex I wipe my willie on the bedroom curtains, and it drives her wild."

 

I took my son out for his first drink. We went to our local bar and I started him off with a Bud Light. He didn't care for it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Corona . He didn't like that either, so I drank it too. Same with Killians and Guinness Stout. By the time we finished sampling whiskeys, I could barely push his stroller home!

 

Best of the Season to you all. Christmas Season that is.

 

You as well Randy, my drinkin season. ..got nothin else to do, what the hell......Cheers

 

Two poems.

Woman's poem:
Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a man who's not a creep
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks
I pray he's rich and self-employed
And when I spend wont be annoyed
Pull out my chair and hold my hand
Massage my feet and help me stand
Oh, send a king to make me a queen
A man who loves to cook and clean
I pray this man will love no other
And relish visits with my mother.

Man's poem:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac
With big tits who owns a bar and a golf course
And loves to send me drinking and riding
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

 

Good one Mofo...hey, you own that golf course right?

 

Lol. Golf is for pussies, real men go to the track.

 

There ya go..shit might as well watch paint dry

 

Do you know what happened 164 years ago this Fall... back in 1850?...... California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically, nothing has changed except the women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands.

 

Oh Ya? Well I will just come on over there and whack your balls with a piece of metal. See if you make it 18 rounds after that fella.

 

Randy, I'm no golfer but I'm pretty sure you have been incorrectly taught how to play . :biggrin-new: