Humor Thread

I would never do that to you Larry...

 

Can't believe this. 105 pages and 3122 posts of mindless gunk on this thread. Proves what matters to me is often brainless thought.

 

Better than mindless TV.

 

LMAO Lint!

 

I am sorry that I have not matured past the point of making everything into sexual innuendo.

....It's just really hard.

 

Oh, shit.
Are you supposed to?

 

You and me both. If we didn't, we wouldn't have anything to live for.

 

A First Nations person (pc for Canadian Indian) was at Home Depot standing in line at the cashier with a couple bags of potting soil.

A white guy standing behind him asked, "You gonna do some planting?"

With a very serious look on his face, the First Nations person turned around and said, "No. I am buying my land back one bag at a time. This time I'm getting and keeping the receipt."

 

Hard and repeated exercise makes your body look incredibly sexy and desirable. So does tequila. Your call.

 

I couldn't help but overhear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.

One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired."

His buddy says: "Man I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. She's after me 3 and 4 times a day. I just don't know what to do."

An older fellow sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.

He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says: "Marry her. That'll put a stop to it.".

 

"No, no....don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad."


[video=youtube;0ukMWtPXJYc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ukMWtPXJYc[/video]

 

Holy crap ... didn't seem to scared of that firearm.

 

Hell, they were lucky he didn't take it away from them and use it on them. Never get a gun unless you plan on using it. That guy just watched too many movies and thought the gun would scare the guy. That guy was seriously toasted on something. PCP maybe.

 

Now see children, thats what crack will do....
Just say no....
smoke some weed and mellow

 

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? ?

Do you know that when a woman wears

a leather dress,

a man's heart beats quicker,

his throat gets dry ,

he gets weak in the knees,

and he thinks irrationally?

Ever wonder why?

*
*

It's because she smells
like a
New Truck

 

A man walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous bartender.

Behind her on the wall is a sign. It says grilled cheese sandwiches five dollars, hand jobs $50.

The man walks up to the bar and asked the bartender "are you the one that gives the hand jobs?

"Yes I am""

The man says "Well go wash your hands and make me that sandwich."

 

Interesting thoughts...

Have You Ever Wondered? ​

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?





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