Humor Thread

Discussion in 'Anything Goes' started by 34468 Randy, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. Thumbs

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  2. Thumbs

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    Average day at Walmart

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  3. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Secret Insider

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  4. duccmann

    duccmann Member

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  5. Samuel

    Samuel Member

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    I have a cousin who, when we were younger, used to take great delight in tricking me into looking at ugly girls. Now, I'm no prize - in fact, I'm still surprised I landed my wife - but the specimens he'd get me to look at put the F in fugly! Life is too short for that nonsense! :mad: :D
     
  6. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Secret Insider

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    She hurried to the pharmacy and picked up medications. When she returned to her car in the parking lot, she discovered she had locked the keys inside.

    The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground nearby. She picked it up, looked at it and thought to herself, I don't know how to use this. She bowed her head and asked God for help.

    Within five minute an old loud motorcycle pulled up ridden by a bearded man wearing a biker skull rag. He got off his bike and asked if he could help.

    She said "Yes. My husband is home sick and I have his medicine. I have locked my keys in my car. Can you use this hanger to help me get into my car?" He said "Sure" and within a minute, he was able to unlock the car door.

    She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you God for sending me such a very nice kind man ." The man heard her little prayer and said, "Lady. I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison where I had been serving time for auto theft."

    The woman hugged the man again. "Oh thank you God. You even sent me a professional."
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2021
  7. raYzerman

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    Ken has been rendered obsolete!!

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  8. Thumbs

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  10. Thumbs

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  11. 34468 Randy

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  12. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Secret Insider

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  13. raYzerman

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    TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS OF PIPE

    1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal centered around the hole.
    2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length.
    3. All pipe is to be of the very best quality, preferably tubular or pipular.
    4. All acid-proof pipe is to made of acid-proof metal.
    5. The O.D. (outside diameter) of the pipe MUST EXCEED the I.D. (inside diameter) otherwise the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.
    6. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing inside the hole so water, steam, or other stuff can be put inside the pipe at a later date.
    7. All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily put on at the job site.
    8. All pipe is to be free of any covering such as mud, tar, barnacles or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make lumps under the paint.
    9. All pipe over 500 feet in length must have the words "Long Pipe" clearly painted on each end so the fitter will know it is a long pipe.
    10. Pipe over two miles long must also have "Long Pipe" painted in the middle so the fitter will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine if it is a long pipe or not.
    11. All pipes over six inches in diameter is to have the words "Large Pipe" painted on so the fitter will not use it for a small pipe.
    12. All pipe closures are to be open on one end.
    13. All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe.
    14. Pipe specified as "Straight Pipe" shall not have fittings within its length, otherwise it becomes "Crooked Pipe."
     

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  14. 34468 Randy

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    Seems to me like some pipe fitter had too much time on his hands after he realized that 2" pipe does not connect to a 1" pipe using an enlarger rather than an reducer coupling. Maybe he was a public servant after all.
     
  15. Thumbs

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  16. Thumbs

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  17. 34468 Randy

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  18. Thumbs

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  19. 34468 Randy

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    Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today. An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
    He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

    As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

    As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

    Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.'

    Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

    She answered, 'THE TEETH'.
     
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  20. Waylander

    Waylander New Member

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    Ohh, that’s horrid


    VF1000F2F, now rideable,
     
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