Humor Thread

my dog must be dreaming when he starts barking in his sleep next to me in bed, and he usually brushes before.

 

You gotta be old and know your music for that one.

 

Crap. I'm old.

 

Jeez, the first one was from 1983, just yesterday......
So, I'll wind back the clock some more.........

 

david byrne and talking heads fans should watch his film "True Stories," a major epic of subtle humor and original music and like nothing youve ever seen before.



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Hunter goes into the wood with a shotgun and sees a bear. He shoots and the bear drops. He runs over to find....nothing. The bear has disappeared.

Suddenly the bear rears up and puts an arm on the man.

Bear: "You have two choices: either I feast on your body...or I sodomize you."

The man wants to live, so he takes the sodomy.
Next day the hunter returns with a .50 cal rifle. He sees the bear and touches one off. He runs over to where the bear dropped and finds nothing. The bear has disappeared.

Suddenly the bear is at his side with a paw on the hunter's shoulder.

Bear: " You know the deal..."

Indignity ensues.

The hunter returns the next day with a bazooka. He spots the bear and lets it rip. The recoil knocks the hunter down, and when the smoke clears the bear is standing astride the hunter.

Bear: "You're not out here for the hunting, are you?"

 

You guys remember this one? Full of jewels.

 

I never ate doughnuts. I only had muffins.

 

That it painful to look at.