Humor Thread

https://www.facebook.com/reel/301925779545401

 

Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year,
And every year Ed would say,
" Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "
Norma always replied,
" I know Ed , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "
One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said,
" Norma, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"
To this, Norma replied,
" Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks"
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Ed and Norma agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said,
"By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "
Ed replied,
" Well, to tell you the truth
I almost said something when Norma fell out,
But you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

 

The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96-year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course,

I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from.

Please press the buttons as follows:

Press 1: To make an appointment to see me.

Press 2: To query a missing payment.

Press 3: To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

Press 4: To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

Press 5: To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

Press 6: To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

Press 7: To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

Press 8: To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion.

Your Humble Client…

(Remember: This was written by a 96-year-old woman!)

Shared Denny R.

 

Going to steal this one and repost elsewhere. A damned good one.

 

Now if we can convince him to also move to Tahiti.

 

Why spoil a beautiful Place Haiti uses mostly the same letters. They need a commanding leader there.

 

Excellent suggestion. Especially when you consider how they tend to behave toward their leaders.

 

The first BMW Adventure bike prototype

 

I can relate to that McD's photo. Recently I drank a large shake from there and an hour later, puked it all up. I should have gone to Dairy Queen for the shake.